Thursday, December 31, 2015

Monday, December 28, 2015

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Friday, December 18, 2015

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Saturday, December 12, 2015

West Hollywood CA - 12/12/2015

Cart 2

Fifth Day of Christmas

On the fifth day of Christmas,
I bought you two feets and a fetus!

Tick tock!

On the fifth day of Christmas,
I hated my Mom like an H-bomb!

Tick tock!

It's like tickling a corpse!
It's like pickling your feces!

Your retarded cousin set himself on fire
on the fifth day of Christmas!

Tick tock!



Sunday, December 6, 2015

I Forgot Vietnam

I forgot how to hum!

I forgot the gamines!
I forgot the grommets!

I forgot the
gamines in you-name-a-city!

I forgot the
grommets in my wampum!

I forgot Vietnam!


Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Beyond Oblivion

I sing like a bird!
I sing like a bunny!

"Booty-thong" is the only word I can
even remember

from my favorite song!






Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Prom

I tackled a duckling!
You called it "King Canute!"

I neutered the interns!
You enraptured the saboteurs!

Then we drove all the gunk out of Ireland!




Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Monday, November 23, 2015

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

In the Movie, Tina Fey will play Dahlia Lithwick!

Your lawyer locks you in a rural
jury-box with a

litter of kitties and a
thick fur wig!

You deserted your yurt!

You deserted your yurt and

suddenly you were
dancing in the movies!

Everybody loved you!

(Smooch!)

Everybody loves you now!




Interview at Bijan - Rodeo Drive - 5/12/2014

 photo Interview 2_zpsk9hbjqmr.jpg


Sunday, September 20, 2015

Monday, September 14, 2015

At Yves St. Laurent - Rodeo Drive - 2/15/2013

 photo At Yves St Laurent 2_zpsfvv4eexs.jpg



Bodycount

We count by teeth!
We count by squeaks and hee-haw whiskey!

We count by ashes!
We count by dimes!

We count by blood and the blinding arc of revelation!




Thursday, September 10, 2015

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Menu

Gumbo bunions for the matrons and bigots!
Mutton for the goons!

Bongo onions for the Romans and midgets!
Mush for Grandma!

Bingo honey for the girls!




Monday, September 7, 2015

Sunday Night on Venice Beach

 photo unnamed_zpsiximkycr.jpg

"Mira que francachela policía de mierda en el cielo!"

So here I am leaving Venice Beach last Sunday night
about one step ahead of the vast human and non-human
wave of police that descends on the Drum Circle every
Sunday summer winter spring and fall, at exactly sunset!

Sit in a circle on the beach! Bang a drum, huff a doobie,
and wait for the Normandy Invasion to come down
from the sky! Police helicopters whirl through the sunset!
Crazy searchlights flash everywhere!

So I scoot off the beach just in time to avoid a full-tilt
armored personnel carrier that looks more like al-Falluja
than Venice Beach! Then I'm perched on a bench outside one
of 100 medical marijuana prescription mills on the boardwalk,
and beside me is a very short Latino kid, 18 or 20, from
somewhere way down south I guess, maybe Honduras or Salvador.

"It looks like the Fourth of July! Parece que el cuatro de
Julio," I say, the kid smiles, and out of nowhere four or five
very similar-looking individuals appear as if they had popped
out of four or five different pods of invisibility!

"¿Es este gilipollas Anglo achicando de ti?" (Is this Anglo
asshole dissing you?) or words to the same effect they say,
and this is what you might call a serious question in terms of,
will I still be alive in 2 seconds?

But my new friend shakes his head no and points to the sky.
"Mira que francachela policía de mierda en el cielo!" I say.

"Look at that fucked-up cop circus in the sky!"

Smiles all around, and we wait out World War X together until
the LAPD wraps up its insane show of force, and off we all go
in our different directions!

Mara por vida, homey!

These were very tough kids for sure, very bright-eyed and quick.
I hope they find a decent future somewhere.


Saturday, September 5, 2015

Studio City

Have you ever eaten human flesh?
Have you ever eaten human flesh in a major motion picture?

I own your eyeballs!

I own your car!

I own your car and all I had to do was eat
human flesh

in a major motion picture!




Friday, September 4, 2015

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Stalker

My real name rhymes with zebra!
I'm stalking the Queen of Sweden

as we speak!




Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Too Cute to Die

If you're ever about to be executed,
don't bother to beg your

ex-girlfriend to pay the exorbitant ransom!

She moved to Milan more than 25 years ago!
She won't even take your calls!




Friday, August 21, 2015

Diagonal Crossing - Rodeo Drive - 8/20/2015

 photo Diagonal Crossing - Rodeo Drive_zpsj7iidbgt.jpg


Sign

It looks like a sign to
warn children away from
unsafe drinking water!

They say it can sing like Milton Eisenhower!
It amuses the fawns!

Aren't they darlings?

It amuses the darling fawns!



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