Saturday, February 7, 2009

The Ivy-League Diet

President Obama's economic stimulus has lost so much weight in the last few days that dieters everywhere are flooding Congress and the White House with requests for information about the so-called "Ivy-League Diet," named after an association degree-granting institutions in New England that granted degrees to President Obama and most of his economic advisers. Thanks to my new job as a busboy at Washington's exclusive Alfalfa Club, I was able to get the inside story from Tim Geithner (Dartmouth '83), Paul Volcker (Princeton '49), and Larry Summers (Harvard '82).

"Excuse my humble self for disturbing your Lordships," I groveled, "but would you please be so kind as to explain the "Ivy-League Diet" that I hear so much about on TV?"

Larry Summers graciously replied.

"It's very simple. We shit on the economy and you eat it."

"Harharhar!!!" said Paul Volcker.

"Harharhar!!!" said Tim Geithner.

And even my humble self joined in the merriment.

"Harharhar!!!"

"What are you laughing at?" said Larry Summers.

"Nothing, your Lordship," I replied. "Enjoy your soup."