Officer

Do I look like the kind of woman who would
eat the frosting off her daughter's wedding-cake?

Ma'am, you're crawling around on the floor,
you have frosting all over your face,
and you're completely naked.
What am I supposed to think?

Tell me!

What am I supposed to think?

West of La Brea

Once upon a time the
Society of Fish at
Hollywood High School elected her as the
sluttiest prom date west of La Brea
and ever since that day she begins every sentence with
"Speaking as a celebrity..."

So now when it's 400 degrees on Sunset Boulevard and the
last trees burst into flames and my
MawMaw curses God, she says...

"Speaking as a celebrity, I curse God."

Tiara

I got a pig in my tiara!
Pig like a thousand suns!

Like a thousand suns?
Or like a thousand gerbils?

Are you really even wearing a tiara?
Or are you wearing a donut?

I got a pig in my donut!

Donut like a thousand suns!

Jingle

I'll be the
tango in your mango
if you'll be the
money on my tongue.

Mango as sweet as money!
Mango as sweet as money!

I'll be your
mangled Anglo jingle
if you'll be the
money on my tongue.

Julia Butterfly Hill and the White House Cowboys

I'm posting this beautiful photo of Julia Butterfly Hill to
make a small point about all the phony cowboys who rule the USA,
"tough guys" from their fucking prep schools in New Hampshire or
Hawaii, Bush and Obama with their drones and bombers and especially
Dick Cheney, who even wears a goddamned cowboy hat in his Facebook photos.

Hey, "tough guys!"

What did you ever do that took even a fraction of the pure brute toughness
of living in a sequoia for two long years of rain and sun and snow and
mountain storms that blew Julia Butterfly Hill back and forth in her
tree-top like a sailor at the top of a 200-foot mast in a hurricane?

Hollywood

I know hundreds of ghosts,
but only one money.

Are we having fun yet?

I have brung my stenographer with me
into the men's room!

Run away!

Run away from the rodents and donuts and
you can quote me!

I can quote myself!

I have brung my stenographer with me
into the men's room!

Vacation

Are you looking for a whale?
I'm your non-fatal case of the flop-sweats!

Are you my date?
I'm the national tap-root!

Is this really the end of vacation?