Shelter - Los Angeles - 12/30/2015

Everything Went Wrong - Santa Monica - 12/29/2015

Spring - 12/28/2015

Pacific Coast Highway - 12/26/2015

Capped Well and Runner - Long Beach CA - 12/25/2015

Anaheim - 12/25/2015

Sepulveda Boulevard - Culver City - 12/24/2015

Pacific Coast Highway - 12/23/2015

Santa Monica Boulevard - Beverly Hills - 12/20/2015

Pacific Coast Highway - 12/19/2015

Seal Beach - 12/17/2015

Sprinkler - Lakewood CA - 12/16/2015

Mink on Rodeo Drive - 12/15/2015

Entourage - Rodeo Drive at Dayton Way - 12/4/2015

West Hollywood CA - 12/12/2015

Fifth Day of Christmas

On the fifth day of Christmas,
I bought you two feets and a fetus!

Tick tock!

On the fifth day of Christmas,
I hated my Mom like an H-bomb!

Tick tock!

It's like tickling a corpse!
It's like pickling your feces!

Your retarded cousin set himself on fire
on the fifth day of Christmas!

Tick tock!

Parking Lot at Ralph's Supermarket on Sunset Boulevard - West Hollywood CA - 12/11/2015

Patek Philippe Boutique - Rodeo Drive - 9/15/2015

I Forgot Vietnam

I forgot how to hum!

I forgot the gamines!
I forgot the grommets!

I forgot the
gamines in you-name-a-city!

I forgot the
grommets in my wampum!

I forgot Vietnam!

Rodeo Drive at Brighton Way - 12/2/2015

Beyond Oblivion

I sing like a bird!
I sing like a bunny!

"Booty-thong" is the only word I can
even remember

from my favorite song!

Van Cleef & Arpels - Rodeo Drive - 11/29/2015

Black Friday - Cerritos CA - 11/27/2015

Prom

I tackled a duckling!
You called it "King Canute!"

I neutered the interns!
You enraptured the saboteurs!

Then we drove all the gunk out of Ireland!

Squad Car - Artesia CA - 11/24/2015

Congo Rodeo Drive - 11/22/2015

Sketch - Studio City - 11/20/2015

Cashier - Long Beach - 11/17/2015

40 Rodeo Drive - 4/11/2013

Sunset on Santa Monica Boulevard - 11/10/2015

Roadside Mannequins - US 301 south of Emporia VA - 8/7/2011

At David Yurman - Rodeo Drive - 3/15/2013

US 101 - Pasadena CA - 10/19/2015

At Peter Marco on Rodeo Drive - 2/18/2013

Lizard - Laurel Canyon - 10/6/2015

Palms - Santa Monica - 10/1/2015

Lunch at LACMA - 6/22/2014

 

In the Movie, Tina Fey will play Dahlia Lithwick!

Your lawyer locks you in a rural
jury-box with a

litter of kitties and a
thick fur wig!

You deserted your yurt!

You deserted your yurt and

suddenly you were
dancing in the movies!

Everybody loved you!

(Smooch!)

Everybody loves you now!

Interview at Bijan - Rodeo Drive - 5/12/2014

Fence and Palms - Santa Monica - 9/20/2015

Cold Day at the Getty - 2/17/2014

At Salvatore Ferragamo - Rodeo Drive - 2/18/2013

Rodeo Drive - Beverly Hills CA - 2/15/2013

At Yves St. Laurent - Rodeo Drive - 2/15/2013

Bodycount

We count by teeth!
We count by squeaks and hee-haw whiskey!

We count by ashes!
We count by dimes!

We count by blood and the blinding arc of revelation!

Scarf and Tie - Rodeo Drive - 3/13/2013

Rodeo Drive - Beverly Hills CA - 3/11/2015

Sunset Boulevard - 3/1/2013

Cut Paper - 9/9/2015

Menu

Gumbo bunions for the matrons and bigots!
Mutton for the goons!

Bongo onions for the Romans and midgets!
Mush for Grandma!

Bingo honey for the girls!

Sunday Night on Venice Beach

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"Mira que francachela policía de mierda en el cielo!"

So here I am leaving Venice Beach last Sunday night
about one step ahead of the vast human and non-human
wave of police that descends on the Drum Circle every
Sunday summer winter spring and fall, at exactly sunset.

Sit in a circle on the beach! Bang a drum, huff a doobie,
and wait for the Normandy Invasion to come down
from the sky. Police helicopters whirl through the sunset.
Crazy searchlights flash everywhere.

So I scoot off the beach just in time to avoid a full-tilt
armored personnel carrier that looks more like al-Falluja
than Venice Beach. Then I'm perched on a bench outside one
of 100 medical marijuana prescription mills on the boardwalk,
and beside me is a very short Latino kid, 18 or 20, from
somewhere way down south I guess, maybe Honduras or Salvador.

"It looks like the Fourth of July! Parece que el cuatro de
Julio," I say, the kid smiles, and out of nowhere four or five
very similar-looking individuals appear as if they had popped
out of four or five different pods of invisibility.

"¿Es este gilipollas Anglo achicando de ti?" (Is this Anglo
asshole dissing you?) or words to the same effect they say,
and this is what you might call a serious question in terms of,
will I still be alive in 2 seconds?

But my new friend shakes his head no and points to the sky.
"Mira que francachela policía de mierda en el cielo!" I say.

"Look at that fucked-up cop circus in the sky!"

Smiles all around, and we wait out World War X together until
the LAPD wraps up its insane show of force, and off we all go
in our different directions.

Mara por vida, homey!

These were dangerous kids for sure, very bright-eyed and quick.
I hope they find a decent future somewhere.

Studio City

Have you ever eaten human flesh?
Have you ever eaten human flesh in a major motion picture?

I own your eyeballs!

I own your car!

I own your car and all I had to do was eat
human flesh

in a major motion picture!

Spider - 9/3/2015 -

Stalker

My real name rhymes with zebra!
I'm stalking the Queen of Sweden

as we speak!

Palm Frond - Santa Monica - 8/27/2015

Cartier - Rodeo Drive - 3/21/2013

Shadow on the Grass - Rancho Palos Verdes - 8/23/2015

Too Cute to Die

If you're ever about to be executed,
don't bother to beg your

ex-girlfriend to pay the exorbitant ransom!

She moved to Milan more than 25 years ago!
She won't even take your calls!

Diagonal Crossing - Rodeo Drive - 8/20/2015

Sign

It looks like a sign to
warn children away from
unsafe drinking water!

They say it can sing like Milton Eisenhower!
It amuses the fawns!

Aren't they darlings?

It amuses the darling fawns!

Parking - Santa Monica - 8/17/2015